


But The Lyrics I Wrote Were You For All Along

by crollyne



Series: Bloom [11]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Kuroo Tetsurou is now famous, M/M, Mentioned Akaashi Keiji, Mentioned Bokuto Koutarou, Mentioned Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28497075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crollyne/pseuds/crollyne
Summary: part 2 of 2"sing to me little canary,tell me your regrets,"
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Bloom [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075244
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	But The Lyrics I Wrote Were You For All Along

**Author's Note:**

> The date the story was started, finished, and posted is not of any importance to the plot but will still be stated, however, the timestamps mentioned in the stories are relevant and is key to understanding what actually happened. Reading this story in random order is alright but since I arranged it in a way that would be make understanding the timeline easier, I suggest you read it from the beginning. This is the eleventh story of a 14-part series and now I will stop babbling. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> this is the part 2 of I Don't Love You Enough To Write You A Love Song

Started: 11/17/20

Finished: 11/27/20

* * *

His heart raced as he looked around the stadium filled with people. From performing in random bar’s open mic night and gigs, to this. Everyone is looking at him with anticipation in their eyes and he’s afraid that he would fuck up this opportunity of a lifetime given to him but, most importantly, is he watching him right now? If so, what does he think of his cowardliness? His fear? His hesitation? Does he forgive him?

With all these questions running around his pounding head, he reached for the mic with shaky hands and trembling lips, the spotlight turned to him and the crowd roared.

For a split second before the speakers resounded, he felt lost.

It was nostalgic.

* * *

“Tsukishima-kun, it’s alright if you don’t want to go but,” Akaashi started. “Just in case.” He slid a set of tickets on the table to the blond male sipping on his coffee silently. Akaashi invited him to lunch that day because he wanted to tell him something. Kei knew this conversation would happen sooner or later.

“You and Yamaguchi-kun would stay in Miyagi after you both finish your requirements, right? It would be a while until we’d be able to see each other again.”

He only stared at the piece of laminated paper in front of him. “I don’t know if I’m going, Akaashi-san,” he answered truthfully because he knew Akaashi would understand.

“But, still, take it if you change your mind. Bokuto-san and I would drive to your place and pick you up this Tuesday. If you change your mind, then we can go together but if not, then that’s okay,” he told him.

Tsukishima just blinked at him. He looked at the paper and back at Akaashi.

“Okay,”

* * *

For the entire week leading up to Tuesday, that concert was the only thing in his mind. It bothered him enough that he starts to zone out while doing his essays and he almost wasn’t able to make it on time. He didn’t know how to keep it off his mind.

It’s not like they broke up, really. He wasn’t even sure if he liked him back nor if Tsukishima is actually sure about his feelings. All he knew is that going to his concert might prove to him that he’s stupid or that there really was nothing. But still, he couldn’t scratch the fact that they did build a friendship and a somewhat relationship during the span of almost a year. He decides that if Akaashi and Bokuto did show up to come pick him up that day, he would go.

The days passed quickly and all he knew, it was already Tuesday night and he’s waiting on his desk, scrolling through his twitter timeline. All the tweets he was seeing are about his concert. He’s about to back out and just sleep this feeling off.

Besides, it’s not like Tsukishima doesn’t acknowledge the fact that his stupidity and confusion caused this. And Kuroo probably either hates him or he has considered what happened months ago to be simple, short fling.

* * *

Kuroo looked around the stadium in attempt to spot his friends. Most of them told him they would try to go but Akaashi and Bokuto did confirm they were attending but in the sea of strangers and fans and banners and colors, distinguishing one from the other became harder to do as the stadium stretches on.

Everything about this made him feel afraid and excited.

He was already sweating and he still has a couple more songs to play before the concert wraps up so he placed down his water bottle on a small table next to him and cleared his throat.

They’re taking a small break from the dancing and moving around so they’re just going to perform slow songs or acoustic songs with Kuroo’s good old guitar. This time, he carved and painted a new engraving on his guitar that went through so much with him.

Everyone cheered as he waved at them. He smiled as he looked around. “Good evening wonderful people,”

* * *

Bokuto and Akaashi didn’t come. It was already an hour after the time when the concert starts and they haven’t arrived nor texted him. Maybe there was an emergency or that they decided not to go anymore and they forgot to inform him. He’s a little sad about it but it didn’t really matter. Maybe this is a sign that he should just get over him.

But all his social media accounts are filled with posts about his concert, promotions and fan accounts. He held a small smile on his face. Despite the things that happened, he still did share something with him, yet he wished that he could tell him in person that he is happy for the success he has.

Scrolling through YouTube, he realized there was a live recording of his concert from his recording label. Millions are watching it and it started more than an hour ago.

Tsukishima stared at his phone screen before closing it. He agreed to himself just a few minutes ago that he really should get over it, watching it would just confuse his feelings more. It’s been months since the last time he’s ever been in contact with him and that’s giving him the peace he desperately needed.

He tried to distract himself by reading a book, organizing his closet by color, rearranging his entire dorm room, even. But still, he wasn’t able to keep his eyes off his phone for the entire time. Everything in his room is already so messy from the constant trying to rearrange things and giving up and growing frustrated and trying to do something else.

“I give up,” Tsukishima grunted. He snatched his phone from his desk and sat down on his desk that has been moved to the window in his room from the place where it was once before which is near his bed. Pressing the live video, he grabbed his headphones and put them on.

“Did y’all like that?” he asked everyone, the audience cheered and screamed. It seems as though he just finished a song.

He was wearing a half black and half red tulips print button up shirt and black pants. His hear was slightly more disheveled than what Tsukishima remembers it as and he looked exhausted but he was smiling. He looked so happy.

“I have one last song to sing before this ends,” he started as he grabbed his guitar. Tsukishima’s fingers stung. He can clearly remember the feeling of his instrument in his hands.

He held his breath.

His presence on the stage is like grabbing someone on their collar and saying, “Listen to me and listen closely, I have something to say,”

There is no cowering because he knows that people will listen, he knows that he made home a corner of the world.

There was force that was pulling you to listen to him and only him. Standing on the stage, he bore his usual smile. That same smile from before, many months ago.

Because Bokuto-san and Akaashi-san didn’t arrive today, he didn’t attend the concert even though the tickets are with him. Even though he’s not there, he’s contempt in watching through his phone screen through a live recording of the concert.

He smiled at the small screen. Proud is an understatement of what he feels.

***

Kuroo took a deep breath before starting to strum on his guitar. He remembers the days he had with Tsukishima very clearly but now, he knows that he’s very happy with someone else. He’s heard from his friends about Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, of course. He’s happy for them, really, and he has no right to complain because he’s the one who wasted the chance he had with him. All of this was his fault but he couldn’t help but think that the both of them didn’t really have each other in their hearts. It seems as though they were looking at each other and seeing someone else.

“This is a song I have made about a year ago,” he started, the strumming of his guitar repeated the same three chords. “Until now, I haven’t produced it nor have I showed it to anyone else but this one person I dedicate this to who only heard the first half of the song. It wasn’t finished when he heard it because I was drunk and,” he paused. He knew this wasn’t the right time to reminisce about lost loves.

“I don’t know where he is right now, I hope he came here, really,” he chuckled under his breath. “But if he’s not, I hope he would still hear it though because singing to someone who doesn’t really listen or pay attention would fucking suck.”

His eyes softened and his jaw tightened. “Wouldn’t it?”

He only realized when Tsukishima left that the entire time he was with him he never did pay attention to anything. He sighed with a bit of a chuckle to somehow lift the mood of everyone listening to him. The crowd is quiet and they’re listening attentively.

“Anyway, here’s to the one who called me ‘the wanna be bad boy who thinks that he can swoon girls just because he has a guitar and a denim jacket’.” The audience laughed. “I’m still butthurt and I feel like I really didn’t fit that description of me from before but I guess I deserved that for calling you a recluse.” He laughed as well.

“Just know that I wrote this for you,” he said. “Well, now that I think about it, it’s like this song is me talking to myself, telling me about all the stupidity I failed to realize before,”

“So, enough of that but, I’m going to say one last thing. I’m very sorry. I know forgiveness would be a hard thing to give me now but, this is the continuation of the song I let you hear that one fateful morning. The first part of the song is for you and for you only because you might not forgive me but I still want something special to share with you. I hope that one day we can meet again and mend the things that went wrong.”

“So, this is Lookalike or as you know it as ‘Draft 3:19 am’.”

_**Can't redo what's already done** _

_**Can't compete 'cause I’ve already won** _

He was certain that it was Tsukishima that he saw exit it that bar that night in Ichikawa. He knows his back too well from watching him from behind him. Besides, when he called Yamaguchi and didn’t answer, proved him his suspicion.

_**Sayin' this time, "It's really love"** _

Kuroo strummed the guitar and gave a sad smile at the camera.

_**But honey, you’re not fooling anyone** _

Oh, how he feels so pathetic right now.

_**Don't you know we're done?** _

Tsukishima, do you remember this line?

**_But when you look in his eyes_ **

**_Do you think of mine?_ **

**_And when you look at that smile_ **

**_Do I cross your mind?_ **

Kuroo smiled sadly. He saw Kenma in Tsukki and he saw Tsukki in Kenma. Two very similar people in his life yet still vastly different. How stupid could he get to confuse his feelings between the both of them.

The mess started the very moment he started to look for things in Kenma that remind him of Tsukishima and things in Tsukishima that remind him of Kenma. And from then on, everything turned to a messy goo that he couldn’t quite get himself out of.

_**I know in your head** _

_**You see me instead** _

And because of that confusion, he lost both of them in his life.

**_'Cause he looks a lot like I did back then_ **

It was stupid, really. After that night, he wasn’t able to contact anyone from their friend group and he was supposed to leave within a few days. Time quickly went by and the producers and him were very busy. He was finally able to contact Bokuto but he gave him Sugawara’s number instead and told him it was best that he talked to him and explain the situation.

Sugawara is very understanding, however, he was very cold at first and borderline angry but the conversation was short.

He only told him to leave Tsukishima alone and then ended the call.

**_Baby don't lie_ **

**_He's just a lookalike_ **

**_And I'll admit that I sometimes, maybe, might_ **

**_Think about you at night, well, almost every night_ **

Kuroo couldn’t seem to shake off the fact that he can’t seem to get them out of his head. They are very similar in terms that he couldn’t describe like the way the both of them held his guitar, the way they like to keep their headphones on their shoulders wherever they go, and the way their eyes glimmered when the light shines.

They are vastly different as well. They both have a different taste in coffee and Kenma likes video games more than reading but Tsukishima enjoys books more. Kenma knows how to play the guitar while Tsukishima doesn’t. They make Kuroo feel entirely different things, as well.

Tsukishima makes him feel safe and warm with a sense of belonging and understanding despite his constant attempts to push him away. It’s like he’s a really bright sun that he likes to bask in when it’s calm and just right.

But sometimes, that sun becomes too bright for him so he goes to hide in the shade and wait until the night. That’s what Kenma made him feel. There was a sense of thrill, spontaneity and calmness with him. He’s mysterious and it makes you want to stay where the light is dim and everyone is asleep.

**_No matter how I try to hide_ **

**_And erase you from my mind_ **

However, Kuroo learned that you can never fully trust the dark because at night, you’re all alone.

**_I'm dying_ **

**_To find a lookalike_ **

That night that Tsukishima let Kuroo in his room for the night, he remembers clearly staying up late with the stressed college student as he finished studying. He placed the marigolds in a tall glass cup filled with water.

Without anything to do, Kuroo looked around his dorm room which is particularly empty. He noticed a picture beside Tsukishima’s bed. It was a picture of the both of them together, looking at the camera with a huge smile on their faces.

He bore that picture in his mind as he stared at it for hours.

“What are you looking at?” Tsukishima asked quietly. His voice was already raspy and his eyes looked tired.

“Oh, just you and Yamaguchi-kun,” he answered. “Didn’t know you both are childhood friends,” he added.

“Yeah, we are,” Kei answered as he looked at the picture as well.

For whatever reason, the sparkle in Kei’s eyes made Kuroo jealous.

**_'Cause when you look in his eyes_ **

**_Hope you think of mine_ **

**_And when you look at that smile_ **

**_Hope I cross your mind_ **

The way Tsukishima laughed after he held his gaze for a few seconds is stuck in Kuroo’s mind. He remembers that moment clearly, it’s like it’s engraved in his head. Anything that happened after those one too many drinks was blurry in his mind.

Anytime he thinks about the fact that he could barely remember what Tsukishima’s lips felt that night makes him hate himself a little bit more.

_**I hope in your head** _

_**You see me instead** _

_**'Cause you've been in mine every day since then** _

“How did you get my number?” he asked, looking up at Kuroo suspiciously. He laughed a bit. He bet that Tsukishima is convinced that he’s some stalker.

“Got it from your drunk best friend,” he answered nonchalantly. The look in the blond male’s eyes could murder someone and he’s probably the next in line of his targets after Yamaguchi, of course.

Kuroo watched as he opened the notification, put on his headphones and play it on his phone. His eyes look thoughtful and there was a pretty glimmer in them that he couldn’t quite fathom. This man, he’s filled with so much wonders. He looked so peaceful and enchanting as the light shone gently in the cool summer day.

He realized he was staring too intently at him so he stood up and went to the vending machine to grab the both of them drinks.

**_Maybe it's time to find a lookalike_ **

**_No, I can't lie_ **

_It was already too late when I realized I was in love._

**_I need a lookalike_ **

The light dimmed and everyone clapped. At the end of the song, Kuroo’s eyesight was blurry but he blinked the tears in his eyes away, there’s no point in crying over things he could no longer control.

His only wish is that Tsukishima is happy wherever he is.

And that he was able to listen to the song.

***

“Kuroo,” he felt himself say. That name felt so foreign in his tongue that it made his heart hurt. How long was it since he last said his name? How long was it since he blocked out his name from his head?

_Kuroo Tetsurou_

_Kuroo Tetsurou_

_Kuroo Tetsurou_

_Kuroo Tetsurou_

Tsukishima watched as the live video ended.

He misses him so bad.

It hurts so bad.

“Kuroo, I’m so sorry, too,” he whispered as he held his head in his hands. His head ached and he felt so confused, much more confused than before. He felt himself spiraling down that same rabbit hole that he seems to never get himself out of. “Fucking hell,”

He only had to realize that he was clinging onto Kuroo for what seems like the feeling of acceptance and thrill and not love to fully grasp that the both of them had made mistakes. What they were was something and it was stupid.

His jaw tightened as he hesitantly looked through his contacts. He kept his number after all that happened. Those familiar numbers made his fingers tremble and hover over the call button, slowly inching towards the screen.

His phone rang before he could even press the call button and familiar numbers showed on the screen.

“Akaashi-kun?”

**Tulips, red**

-Declaration of love

SONGS:

Lookalike by Conan Gray

**Author's Note:**

> last two left!!  
> visit @cromij1 in twitter for the playlist and it's somewhere in my pinned if i dont have a different story pinned!  
> or maybe click [this](https://twitter.com/cromij1/status/1348407665152520195?s=20) to lead you to the thread/pinned tweet of my stories and playlists


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